“Anything is possible”

So my “rehearsal dinner” otherwise known as 4A aka second to last treatment aka lucky number seven. 4A you got me... and hard!  I knew that morning of treatment that it was going to be rough. I had a few conversations with friends discussing it. “Should I go for a quick jog? Should I just eat breakfast and relax?”  I chose option number two and went with breakfast because it just didn’t feel right. Great choice Stephanie ... always trust your gut. The appointment itself went slower than usual since I couldn’t take the pressure in the IV of the poison flowing through the needle at it’s usual pace.  So if and when that happens they actually slow the drip. Slowing the speed of it and a warm pack on top of the IV always helps but it does tack on some time in the death chair. I was about half way through my cocktail and then the nausea started.  I have never felt that way in any of my past appointments nor after when arriving home post treatment.  Les Miserable! I ho...

So today is my birthday. I woke up 40 and Cancer free! Grateful of course but I honestly don’t feel like it’s my birthday. Probably because I’m super hyper focused on what has been going on with me and also because I’ve been in a steroid haze for almost three weeks.  Friends, family and care team know that Stephanie + Steroids = No Bueno. Lots of yelling, lots of crying, probably would have gotten fired from my job and lots of cleaning. This all sounds crazy and all and it’s not happening everyday.... just some days.  I would like to say most days I’m OK and these episodes just happen here and there.  But might I remind everyone, the reason why it’s happening is because I don’t feel well inside and out.  It’s not because I’m being a brat or obnoxious about things.  I just don’t feel well.   I took a big step over the weekend and went and picked up my cranial prosthesis (yes a wig).  Some of my friends and family knew this was in the process a month bac...

PSA - please ignore the font and paragraph alignment! It’s driving my nuts but I don’t have the patients to fix it.  Ok so I never made it to treatment this week. Instead of made it to the hospital.  I made it somewhere I guess?! Still getting stuck with a bunch of things so at the end of the day it’s like treatment but minus the poison.  Anyhooo... A little background so you can understand what has transpired.  This past treatment of Chemo was different. Easier to handle but physically more tired.  Soreness, bone pain, neuropathy, etc.  I really had to pick and choose what I wanted to do all day because trying to accomplish everything would exhaust me and put me on my back. During all of this I should have modified but I chose to push.  Stuck with the work outs, wanted to live a normal life and go out to lunch, etc.  It caught up to me I think.  Still feeling a little guilty in thinking did I do this to myself? I’m not quite sure but I feel ...