The Rehearsal Dinner

So my “rehearsal dinner” otherwise known as 4A aka second to last treatment aka lucky number seven. 4A you got me... and hard!  I knew that morning of treatment that it was going to be rough. I had a few conversations with friends discussing it. “Should I go for a quick jog? Should I just eat breakfast and relax?”  I chose option number two and went with breakfast because it just didn’t feel right. Great choice Stephanie ... always trust your gut.

The appointment itself went slower than usual since I couldn’t take the pressure in the IV of the poison flowing through the needle at it’s usual pace.  So if and when that happens they actually slow the drip. Slowing the speed of it and a warm pack on top of the IV always helps but it does tack on some time in the death chair. I was about half way through my cocktail and then the nausea started.  I have never felt that way in any of my past appointments nor after when arriving home post treatment.  Les Miserable! I honestly held on and fought through it as hard as I could but I succumbed to the chemo.  I tried more crackers and ginger ale but nothing.  Now if you know me, I always try and push through and never use medication or pills as a quick fix. This is why this whole journey has been so taxing on me mentally and physically.  The pills, the meds, the this the that.... but let me tell you ... get onboard with that Zofran... game changer with a hangover or even chemo hahaha!  Anyhoo... so yes I fought hard but I couldn’t do it anymore.  I hit my magic button and all of my lady friends came running. I explained what was going on so they all agreed to push through some more Zofran so I can make it through the last twenty minutes without dry heaving or turning grey.  My poor Mother! She’s like “Stephanie just take more stuff or we will never make it home!?” The scene on 78 would be my head hanging out the window with full on sunglasses and a hood since I can’t be in direct sun after treatment. Definitely would have gotten pulled over. 

So needless to say I made it through the last twenty minutes.  The longest ever! I mean these people want every drop of that bag gone! For the love of god we got the Cancer can I please just go!?  But I get their point. 

Recovery this week was pretty much the same. The only thing that was the worst was the appointment itself. I’m managing to get all of my calories in, work on strength training on that following Tuesday as per my schedule of insanity of working out and just trying to keep my emotions in check... as well as my hair and eyebrows (Le sigh). 

Speaking of emotions... I will be brutally honest and say I have been through a lot mentally and physically. I’m not ashamed to say that not only was/ is this journey tough but the after party of all this will be as well. I am actively speaking to a social worker and a psychologist to help with the ups and downs ... I don’t think I really need to go into detail on what exactly but it is helping. I’m putting in the work and committing to recovery not only physically but mentally. Again I am not embarrassed to admit this. It truly does help! Especially when you have someone that specializes and is licensed in this field. Friends and family are great but there is something about having your personal time with someone who just “gets it.”   

In the next few months I will be focusing on my “glow-up”.  Doing things that help me with my confidence and maybe doing things outside the box or a little different than I would have prior to Cancer.  Maybe I will make new friends or connect with old ones?  Let’s not forget IRONMAN training starts 5/16!  Weeeeeeee!  Either way I’m going to go through it and come out the other side a better person because of it. 

Now I must sign off because I think my garbage cans are raging in the street from the high winds here in NJ. 

4A you got me but I am ready for the FINAL DANCE on 5/6/2021.