Big LIFE

I was reminded this week that it has been six months since my last blog.  I promised myself that I would blog once a month but life and such things seem to detour me.  I honestly do feel guilty but I always say I will write when I feel it.  I guess I just wasn't feeling it for six months.  Yes, I've updated social media with the basics of course but here is a run down of the past six months for ya...

1.  I've been to Skyzone with my niece about twice.. I swear I will nail a flip one of these days and I promise to spend less money on the stuffy machines.

2.  I started my training with my triathlon coach Patti - HI PATTI!!  Hooray for healthy racing!

3.  Swam with the Masters #justkeepswimming

4.  Celebrated World Cancer Day... this year Cancer free!

5.  Decided to run the NYC Marathon in November of 2022 with Fred's Team out of Sloan Kettering - Please donate if you already haven't.  100% of your donation goes directly to Sloan and Cancer research.

6.  Started a new relationship ... her name is Amy and she’s a comedian. Let’s just say I give her A LOT of material HA!

7.  Went to California to spend some time with Cimi and Eddie.  Always very relaxing doing nothing.  We excel at watching humming birds for hours.

8. Saw my first comedy show EVER with my one and only actually performing!  I think I was more nervous then she was to be honest.

9.  Had another clear scan and celebrated ONE YEAR IN REMISSION!

10.  Celebrated my 41st birthday with hair and eyebrows this time around.

11.  Drove to Charlotte, NC and Florida to visit friends.  Came back still in a relationship so I think that was a success in itself.  

12.  Raced my first Olympic triathlon out in Montauk, NY.  The race was beautiful and I did amazing.  Montauk in itself well, not for me.  Too much Khaki.

13.  First time ever coaching 1 & 2 grade girls softball.  So proud of my Ayla!

14.  More clear scans! #grateful

15.  Lots of socializing when I'm not sleeping.  Sleep is very important don't ya know!

16.  Lots and lots of swimming, biking and running.  WOOF! 

17.  Post chemo hair cuts galore!  I can't live an unmanicured life.  I'm currently embracing the beatle look.

I think everyone gets the gist of it.  Yes this all seems fun and it reads great but I still struggle with anxiety, doing too much which then overwhelms me to the point where I check out of things, resentment, anger and stress.  This is real life though, not social media where everything looks like rainbows, butterflies and unicorns.  What enables me to do all the above with less of a menty-B (mental breakdowns) is therapy.  I'm not embarrassed to say I speak to someone now once a month.  It used to be weekly, bi-weekly and now it's monthly or when I absolutely need it.  Therapy has given me tools to handle real life stuff.

I've learned how to communicate more efficiently, speak up when I over commit and feel overwhelmed or just sit things out when I "just can't" anymore.  I'm not the same Stephanie I was over a year ago.  I would do a million things and not feel anything from it.  Now I feel like I have to strategically plan everything to make sure I do not get overwhelmed.  I'm still learning and I've come so far!  This is a thing by the way post cancer.  When I started my journey with cancer, I was only allowed to do one errand a day and come back home.  Working out was on seperate days from errands and so forth.  Before I knew I was doing two errands and then three.  Then I encorporated working out on those days as well.  It was a process but with therapy I was able to work through so much.  Looking at my list of things above gives me anxiety like "OMG I DID ALL OF THAT."  So with that, I am proud of where I'm at today and grateful for my support system.  During cancer and post cancer I was struggling with finding my place and I needed validation in so much of my life.  It's like I was standing on the sidelines waiting to be picked for a team.  Then one morning I felt like I was chosen little by little.  I had to trust the process.  

I'm going to end this blog by saying "I'm not promising to blog because I probably won't."  But I will continue to have lists of things that I've done and accomplished thus far.  Sometimes we forget all that we do and instead we are hard on ourselves for the things we are not doing. 

Everyday is a win as long as you try!