Succumb to the Chemo

Six days now after my first Chemo cocktail and wooooooooof!  What a smack in the face or eye opener or game changer or whatever you think you would want to call it. I have no words but I MADE IT!

So remember when I blogged right after the New Year saying something about macro counting, exercising, etc.  OK well scratch that. That shit went right out the window on day three. Here’s a brief recap of the past six days ... scary but true and it’s real talk....

Came home that evening feeling everything in my body. Could not be touched and the cat and dog could not come near me at all. Felt every inch of my body lit up like a damn Christmas tree of poison. Managed to sleep that night with some gummies from the grace of god but also woke up in a pool of sweat. Had no energy to change clothes. Felt like a triathlon transition station but it wasn’t. Next day, tired and awake. OK I can do this says ME!  Sucking down water, juice, and anything appetizing. Moving on, holy crap I feel great let’s go exercise!  My mom and gf watching me ride my bike in my living room and then proceed to lift weights in the garage.  Hell yes I can do this! Chemo smemo! Bamn hello Sunday Funday not so funday into Monday. Do I have COVID? Am I dying? How do people handle this alone? I can’t stop thinking of others going through this for the rest of their life and with a more harsh treatment? Omg I feel sick! My mouth! My head! I need to nap! Ooh look I answered three emails today! Committed to buying a WHOOP band (look that up they are super cool and very useful) Get out of the house for the cleaning lady please... omg where is the dog!? Can I drive!? Passed out twice .. slight black out... drinking water.. ordered $20 worth of vegan pancakes to the house .. showered everyday hooray! Walks dog (high five) talks on phone (high five) And still through all of this thinking of others and how they deal alone if they are or don’t have a support system. I can’t stop thinking of others!  

Today I see the light (maybe) Finished off my pancakes, brushed my teeth another 28373737 times. People you need to buy stock in oral B and soft tooth brushes. Period the end. Took another shower and I even spoke to my boss and answered more emails! I totally contributed to life today. 

Yes folks this is what it is. Real life. Here I am thinking I’m going to do this that and this and that.  Nope nope nope. Did nothing and if I did exercise it was because I was high on steroids. So did that really count?

This is an Ironman .. definitely not a sprint or an olympic distance tri. This is life changing for me or anyone. Pacing is the name of the game. 

Big hugs to everyone that has stopped by, reached out, made sure I was awake and took a shower, told me not to exercise, walked my dog, hugged me with a mask on, made me food, dropped off waters and teas and anyone and everyone who just asked how I was and if I needed anything. Thank you. I know everyone is thinking about me right now. Just like I’m thinking about them. 

#succumbtothechemo 

#dontforgettodoyourtaxes

#chemodrunk