Life Update

So it’s been two months now post my last chemo. Thanks gods that part of the year and my life is done and over with!  Yes there are and will always be thoughts going through my brain about “what if the Cancer or another form of Cancer comes back?”  I usually say to myself  “hell f*ckin’ NO I will never ever do chemo again but then there is the other part of my brain saying ummmmm you may need to because it’s what keeps your ass alive”.  So yea, those are just some real talk thoughts obviously. But on to the good things….

Hair growth is at 100% right now.  I have posted some pics here and there on social media but I’m saving some before and afters to really show the progress in a separate blog.  My little nose hairs are back and my eyebrows are super course and bushy and they are super light but I’m sure that will change in time.  Praise be for the microblading.  I do catch myself feeling uncomfortable at times for not having my long blonde hair and I tend to look at others with long hair and almost feel jealous and or compare myself because mine is missing.  I know it’s growing in but this is a thing with patients post treatments so let me go through my thoughts and feelings on this.  Thank you.

Aesthetically I seem to be back to normal.  Leaned out a bit and toned up thanks to my Ironmaning sessions.  Lost the bloat I felt from steroids and finally got off the pork obsession I was going through … still can’t seem to stay away from turkey but who cares … I need to feed the beast at this point.  Being able to feel comfortable in my clothes and almost in my own skin means the world.  I don’t have to live in LuLulemon and Athleta … although who am I really trying to impress? I just had Cancer LOL!  

My temperament has been … let’s say “OK”.   I definitely do have my days and if I start to feel overwhelmed or pushed it’s not a good scene.  I’ve learned through therapy how to distract myself from seeing red or feeling this way by coloring.  Yes, I have an adult coloring book.  Coloring and actively distracting myself from screaming at the insurance company helps!  And let’s just say I’m so happy to have a pencil sharpener… some times I need to aggressively color to get through some tough points in the day.

Work is in full swing …I have my easy days and tough days but happy to be part of the team again in full. My brain is shot at times so making a to do list really helps and stepping away and sitting in a separate room away from the computer is also a life saver.  Being home since Covid, Cancer and now post Cancer has been a lot.  Everyone that has been home and that is still home and working feels me on this!  No need for me to explain … but always make time for yourself and establish boundaries.  You can only do your best when your mentally strong and focused.  

Socially I’ve been spending time with friends and re connecting obviously.  I do have to pick and choose and make sure I don’t overwhelm myself with commitments because I’m so noncommittal right now.  Yup this is also a thing.  So please understand it’s NOT you it’s ME.  Also I choose my Ironman things first so if I’m tired after it… plans are cancelled and life is cancelled and I’m OK with that so I hope everyone can be too.

So that’s really it on my end.  I work on myself daily and I really put that work in.  My boundaries are solid with some cracks here and there but I’ve learned what I need to do to make them solid again.  There aren’t really any races yet on the horizon … a couple possibilities but I want to make sure I’m ready.  If I mess myself up with a relapse or side effect of some sort Dr. Hamlin and Sloan Kettering will disown me.  

I hope everyone is enjoying their summer with family and friends and I hope to connect with more people soon.