Summer Commitments

So I think I’m going to commit to blogging once a month. If more happens along the way and if I can get out of my own way I will surprise my fans with more.  It’s the summer and well, kind of the end of summer.  I’m honestly over this heat and humidity. The amount of salt and sweat on my body along with laundry that is happening is ungodly. But on the positive side of things, I’m acclimating.  

I’m so grateful to have triathlon in my life.  It really does help me with confidence, commitment and my everyday mood. Without it, I don’t know where I would be mentally. Maybe pounding bourbons? Who knows!? Again I’m thankful. 

Last week was a very emotional week for me. I cried to some friends and my Mom and thought nothing was going right in my life. Post Cancer feels can be A LOT!  Everything is heightened for me…. EVERYTHING!  When something doesn’t go right, the simplest thing can ruin my day or my mood. It’s hard. I strive so hard at making things right that when things go in a different direction at times it is so hard to deal with.  When my post Cancer feels come about I tend to hide a bit.  You may not hear from me on text or phone because I guess you can say I’m taking the time for myself to process and get myself and my mood back on track.  Plus I’m actually working as well so that takes up some time and attention because some days it is hard for me to focus.  So don’t take it personally.  

Anxiety comes and goes. I sometimes feel trapped in my own home … even though I can simply walk outside and drive away if I wanted to, but sometimes I feel stuck.  I’m sure some of you feel like this since Covid and working from home.

I’m having a really hard time remembering things from before I started treatment in January. Not that I’m brain dead from chemo … it’s just the past eight months have been so consuming mentally and physically that it’s like I don’t even remember or recognize me and or pictures. It seems like so long along. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing … but it’s weird. Probably a topic to discuss with my therapist. 

I’ve made a handful of new friends and have been connecting with old ones. That makes me happy. Socializing, dinner, drinks and some dancing is what the doctor ordered!  But of course here comes the delta variant … but I digress.  

Putting myself back out there and trying to be the best that I can be everyday is the only thing I can do. Dr. Hamlin told me that post Cancer is more of a journey than during actual treatment and he is right!  There are so many ups and downs that everyday I wake up and honestly say to myself  “what the f*ck is going to happen to me today!?” It’s kind of funny, sad and an adventure all at once. 

This months blog is kinda ehhhhh … but felt like I needed to share. I miss my long blonde hair so much (Le sigh and cry) but it’s coming back I guess. I had my first swim meet and I have two triathlons coming up in my schedule so time to put my short haired head down and grind ….