“Anything is possible”

It's about that time....my random blog post. So back in September I completed a half Ironman up in Laconia, NH.  What some of you may or may not know (given if you read my post or not) is that I went into that race with a bit of hip issue and had it under control prior to racing but it ended up just not being the day I wanted given other issues through the race.  OK fine... it was not my day.  Now with it being a month or so past the race I'm finally starting to introduce running into my schedule again.  The issue/ injury just wouldn't clear up so of course the smart thing to do was to pull from marathon training and the NYC Marathon  on November 6th  (great news though... I am deferring to next year).  Am I happy about this... no.  But doing anything injured or in pain is not ideal and I would only beat myself up about my performance and or not finish (which is even worse to your psyche).  I guess the point I am trying to get to here is...

I was reminded this week that it has been six months since my last blog.  I promised myself that I would blog once a month but life and such things seem to detour me.  I honestly do feel guilty but I always say I will write when I feel it.  I guess I just wasn't feeling it for six months.  Yes, I've updated social media with the basics of course but here is a run down of the past six months for ya... 1.  I've been to Skyzone with my niece about twice.. I swear I will nail a flip one of these days and I promise to spend less money on the stuffy machines. 2.  I started my training with my triathlon coach Patti - HI PATTI!!  Hooray for healthy racing! 3.  Swam with the Masters #justkeepswimming 4.  Celebrated World Cancer Day... this year Cancer free! 5.  Decided to run the NYC Marathon in November of 2022 with Fred's Team out of Sloan Kettering - Please donate if you already haven't.  100% of your donation goes directly to Sloan and C...

The last time I was saying Happy New Year I had Cancer and was just about to start treatments. 2021 was wild!  Pandemic life, Cancer diagnosis, beating Cancer, working on myself, ups and downs in relationships, podium in triathlon, thoughts in possible career change, holidays and Covid. Yes my friends and family .. the cron got me on Christmas. I mean come on… what’s life in 2021 for me without the cron after Cancer and all.   The cliche thing to do was to blog on January 1st but to be quite honest I felt Monday, January 3rd was a better way to go.  January 1st and 2nd you’re kind of like “new year new me” but I really do feel that the first Monday back to work and back to reality after eating and drinking yourself into a coma is important.   I did promise myself and my fans that I would blog monthly but as you can see I missed a few months. Tis is life … So as most of you know, I work at Verizon, home of the 5Geeeeeeee!  We have these calls daily, weekly, etc. ...

The off-season is usually a term used by athletes when they are not training for races and or in season competitions. I feel like I’m in my off season regarding triathlon and post cancer life. I’m currently not going through chemo, I’m not trying to just “survive” and I’m not on a schedule of blood work and tests. It’s like I’m in maintenance mode. Staying healthy, active and fit. Every three months is blood work and every six months is a CT scan (scan-xiety is setting in).  Can’t forget therapy! Therapy is also mixed up in there as well.  I pretty much eat and drink (let’s be real and honest) an 80/20 lifestyle HA!. It’s what keeps me sane and actually quite happy and comfortable.   Happy, comfortable and confident is where I need to be and strive to be everyday. It’s hard on the “off-season”.  The off-season gives you more time to think, think and think some more. Which could be a bad thing at times. Thinking and extra time could bring up insecurities (which I know...

So I think I’m going to commit to blogging once a month. If more happens along the way and if I can get out of my own way I will surprise my fans with more.  It’s the summer and well, kind of the end of summer.  I’m honestly over this heat and humidity. The amount of salt and sweat on my body along with laundry that is happening is ungodly. But on the positive side of things, I’m acclimating.   I’m so grateful to have triathlon in my life.  It really does help me with confidence, commitment and my everyday mood. Without it, I don’t know where I would be mentally. Maybe pounding bourbons? Who knows!? Again I’m thankful.  Last week was a very emotional week for me. I cried to some friends and my Mom and thought nothing was going right in my life. Post Cancer feels can be A LOT!  Everything is heightened for me…. EVERYTHING!  When something doesn’t go right, the simplest thing can ruin my day or my mood. It’s hard. I strive so hard at making things right ...

So it’s been two months now post my last chemo. Thanks gods that part of the year and my life is done and over with!  Yes there are and will always be thoughts going through my brain about “what if the Cancer or another form of Cancer comes back?”  I usually say to myself  “hell f*ckin’ NO I will never ever do chemo again but then there is the other part of my brain saying ummmmm you may need to because it’s what keeps your ass alive”.  So yea, those are just some real talk thoughts obviously. But on to the good things…. Hair growth is at 100% right now.  I have posted some pics here and there on social media but I’m saving some before and afters to really show the progress in a separate blog.  My little nose hairs are back and my eyebrows are super course and bushy and they are super light but I’m sure that will change in time.  Praise be for the microblading.  I do catch myself feeling uncomfortable at times for not having my long blonde hair an...

It’s been a while since I blogged …. I guess you can say I’ve been working on myself and acclimating to the world yet again. I’ve had a really really really really rough start to 2021. Having Cancer rocked my world and it also rocked the world’s of my family and friends that are very close to me. I want to thank each and every one of you for being their for me at my worst. Allowing me to yell and scream and just allow me to be me… whatever that is/was. It’s still very hard for me to look at pictures of my past right before I started treatment.  I don’t even recognize that person at all. I know she is still there inside somewhere but on the outside it seems so different. I’m sure to some or most that you won’t ever understand because I am always smiling, making jokes, training for an Ironman or something but it’s been hard. I’m proud of my progress thus far.  I work so hard at bettering myself and my health each day.  I take pride in it. I surround myself with only good pe...

First week post last chemo treatment aka 4B .... let’s just say WOW!  Physically I did not expect to feel this good at all. Managed to muscle through the last treatment without the two days of Dexamethasone aka Dexa-CrystalMeth-aZone aka a very strong steroid and took myself off the Ativan as well. I was taking Ativan mostly to assist in sleeping but I’m just done. Done with the chemo, done with the pills, done done done!  But I’m not done with my gummy’s HA! God bless. I was a little uncomfortable the first day.  Felt that chemo surging through my body but it got better each day. Managed to get my calories in with the help of my friend Zofran and as the days progressed the emotions and some crying got better and better. Honestly coming off the meds was the best thing I could have done for myself.  So physically I’m feeling good but mentally a little sketchy.  Sketch is fine ... Sketchanie is fine.  I have my social worker, I have my two Psychologists (haha...

So my “rehearsal dinner” otherwise known as 4A aka second to last treatment aka lucky number seven. 4A you got me... and hard!  I knew that morning of treatment that it was going to be rough. I had a few conversations with friends discussing it. “Should I go for a quick jog? Should I just eat breakfast and relax?”  I chose option number two and went with breakfast because it just didn’t feel right. Great choice Stephanie ... always trust your gut. The appointment itself went slower than usual since I couldn’t take the pressure in the IV of the poison flowing through the needle at it’s usual pace.  So if and when that happens they actually slow the drip. Slowing the speed of it and a warm pack on top of the IV always helps but it does tack on some time in the death chair. I was about half way through my cocktail and then the nausea started.  I have never felt that way in any of my past appointments nor after when arriving home post treatment.  Les Miserable! I ho...

So today is my birthday. I woke up 40 and Cancer free! Grateful of course but I honestly don’t feel like it’s my birthday. Probably because I’m super hyper focused on what has been going on with me and also because I’ve been in a steroid haze for almost three weeks.  Friends, family and care team know that Stephanie + Steroids = No Bueno. Lots of yelling, lots of crying, probably would have gotten fired from my job and lots of cleaning. This all sounds crazy and all and it’s not happening everyday.... just some days.  I would like to say most days I’m OK and these episodes just happen here and there.  But might I remind everyone, the reason why it’s happening is because I don’t feel well inside and out.  It’s not because I’m being a brat or obnoxious about things.  I just don’t feel well.   I took a big step over the weekend and went and picked up my cranial prosthesis (yes a wig).  Some of my friends and family knew this was in the process a month bac...

PSA - please ignore the font and paragraph alignment! It’s driving my nuts but I don’t have the patients to fix it.  Ok so I never made it to treatment this week. Instead of made it to the hospital.  I made it somewhere I guess?! Still getting stuck with a bunch of things so at the end of the day it’s like treatment but minus the poison.  Anyhooo... A little background so you can understand what has transpired.  This past treatment of Chemo was different. Easier to handle but physically more tired.  Soreness, bone pain, neuropathy, etc.  I really had to pick and choose what I wanted to do all day because trying to accomplish everything would exhaust me and put me on my back. During all of this I should have modified but I chose to push.  Stuck with the work outs, wanted to live a normal life and go out to lunch, etc.  It caught up to me I think.  Still feeling a little guilty in thinking did I do this to myself? I’m not quite sure but I feel ...

So if anyone is/was late to the party .... I am officially in REMISSION and CANCER FREE!  Dr. Hamlin and his amazing team managed to juice me with that much Chemo that my amazing insides and mental state beat Cancer half way through treatment!!! Weeeeeeeeee!  As mentioned in an earlier blog, I wasn’t sure which way my brain was going to go on this. But now that I have the official call I am truly happy and blessed!  The day of my telehealth was great.  I wasn’t too emotional at all. Maybe because Cancer made me a cold bitch 😂 kidding ... let’s just say it made me more of a hard ass. Not many emotions for things lately except for watermelon.  Jillian (one of my nurses) went over all the deets and was very happy with the outcome. Of course I did inquire about adjusting the Chemo just a bit but because they treated me in eight treatments there wasn’t any room to adjust.  I get it. Moving on.... I proceeded to call and text just enough of my crew that it would...

So today is a big day. Today is my half way point. The PET scan will determine if the Cancer is still looming or gone!  I honestly don’t know how to feel. Obviously I will be happy if the Lymphoma is gone! But the thought of it being gone and then having to do four more treatments of chemo... fucking hell! Then there is the side of it still being in my body which is OK and plowing through the next four chemos like a beast.  IDK it’s weird to think of this way but if it’s gone then why more chemo? Obviously I have asked Dr. Hamlin that on our initial meeting and obviously I know why I have to finish... but there is a part of me that’s holding onto this hope of me being super natural and the Dr. saying “you’re so amazing you don’t have to finish”. Wishful thinking! They will have to drag me to the next four appointments that’s for sure! Again this is where my head is at right now. And my head is a mess. The past few weeks have been really dark.  My mind and body changes fro...

This past week was hard.  Really hard. My stomach is beyond raw at this point. Early Tuesday morning I was vomiting the acid out of my stomach into a cooking pot (I know the visual sorry but I’m being real here).  Thanks for the pot and Alka-Selzter Mom! Savior at 4.30am. I feel like that episode pushed me back a few days in the recovery department but each treatment is a shit show. I really have no idea what to expect.  It’s like Hello Good Morning Oh F*ck! Over and over again. Then I turn that corner and I’m doing leg kicks. But this corner I turned physically was good but not mentally. The chemo hair thinning/ loss has reared it’s head. No pun intended.  After my second treatment my hair started thinning at very fast pace. I was quite surprised. After my third treatment, well let’s just say I have PTSD about taking a shower, washing and brushing my hair. Even though I do everything by the book ... the hair keeps falling out.  There are tears in my eyes every ...

Some realizations after my first cycle of chemo and now going into my third round and second cycle on Friday of this week... if you don’t take notes, mental notes even when going through chemo and your fight with Cancer you will fail... EPICALLY. I had no clue what the heck my body was going to feel like, what I wanted to eat, what I didn’t want to eat, my hair thinning and how I could maintain the mane, etc.  Let me be real, I had no idea I was going to feel like a bus hit me and reversed over my body a few times for six days straight after my cocktail.  It is all a learning curve. I feel this thought process can pertain to everyday life, not just the “chemo cancer” life. For example... starting a new diet, a new job, working out and or training for a specific sport, having a baby, adopting a dog or a cat, the list goes on. You need to have the right tools, education and training to start, maintain and successfully live and perform for the future.   So here is how I set ...

I’m exhausted.  I’m exhausted mentally and physically. Physically I’m just exhausted because they injected me with poison. Killing all bad cells and good cells. So obviously I will be exhausted. But shit, I’m winded!  Me! An Ironman? Winded? Yes!  Then there is the mental aspect of it. I’m tired of waking up and not feeling “normal”. I’m tired of waking up and feeling something “different” from the chemo. I’m tired of mentally having to change my mindset every day to something new. It’s exhausting! And yes I am complaining. And when I complain I feel bad because others have it worse or had it worse. So then that makes me tired! I think you can catch my drift here. I’m exhausted but there are things that help me turn that corner.  My care team helps me ❤️ Offering me help makes me stronger ❤️ Being grateful gives me a sigh of relief ❤️ Humor and sick and twisted comments make me laugh ❤️ Buying soft turbans to wear on my head brings me joy since I don’t have to blow d...

Every year World Cancer Day is celebrated on February 4th.  The purpose of the UICC is to support the World Cancer Declaration. The primary purpose of celebrating this day is to reduce the number of cancer patients and to reduce the death rate causing due to it.  Ironically today is World Cancer Day and I’m receiving  my second treatment of Chemo. Sending love and strength to the fighters, survivors and the taken ❤️🎗 Cycle #2 ✔️ Check out Team in Training and the amazing things they do for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  https://www.teamintraining.org/

So today was a good day... no actually it was a great day, probably until I got a stress headache in the afternoon but I digress.  Today was a great day. Today I got a hair cut.  I needed it. Not just for the ends of my hair but mentally I needed just a normal day. A day for myself. A day of feeling good and feeling pretty (thank you Miguel). Because honestly, I’ve been looking like a sea monster lately because I can only wash my hair every two to four days, no blow outs and I have to use baby shampoo which can be a little tough on this mane of mine. Let’s talk hair loss and chemo and what could be in store for me ... I have a 10% chance of losing my hair completely with this treatment. 10% is strong BUT low. I could lose in patches of my head, it can thin, it could look crazy.. sky is the limit when it comes to hair but everyone is different so the doctors can not confirm. All they can confirm is the above and the rate. Hair loss begins after your first treatment. Anywhere be...

So I turned a huge corner on Friday... I no longer need a chaperone! Hooray! (the chaperone was mostly for overnights since I had a few bad ones that I hope to never revisit).  My appetite has come back about 85% which is amazing since I lost about 8lbs in less than a week .. no bueno.  I put on about 2 lbs now which is so much better and I’ve been working on getting those healthy calories in prior to my next treatment on February 4th.  I’m sooooo happy that I’m feeling better and stronger each day leading up to treatment.  I will be honest, I was very scared with how terrible I felt last week and I couldn’t help but think to myself  “how am I going to make it another seven treatments if I’m always going to feel like this!?”  Insert my brother’s words of wisdom “you better get your mind right son.”  And so I did. I started my building phase. Which is a term we use for Ironman training. The build phase in training is focusing on strength and power devel...